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My son was born with a hypospadias, a condition where the urethral opening is on the underside of the penis. About 1 in 200 baby boys will be born with this condition and while doctors are unsure of the exact cause, in my case, there seems to be a genetic component as my cousin was also born with a hypospadias forty years ago that had to be corrected with surgery. Regardless, my son’s condition was identified by the doctor that delivered him. I was told, and have my husband and SIL as witnesses, that I was to talk to my family doctor at his one week check-up about scheduling him in for a referral to a pediatric urologist as these things can take time to sort out.

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My ex from a fourteen year relationship occasionally worked odd hours, I’d call him at work to ask what he wanted for dinner and to cheer him up a bit. Then, over the course of three months, there would be ad hoc times when I’d call his desk phone but get no answer so I’d call his mobile, initially thinking he had probably finished earlier than anticipated and was on his way home (and to check that he wasn’t keeping me hanging while he went off to the pub without telling me).

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So I’d call his mobile and ask ‘where are you?’. A few times he would indeed ‘be on his way home’ – yet things were off. I’d never told him that I could often tell when he was lying, he had a certain smugness about him when he did it, sometimes he would even have a particular smirk that he would do when he thought I wasn’t looking (and I can ‘hear’ someone’s facial expression when they are on the phone – probably due to many work hours and long distance boyfriends in the past). He would claim that he had just left the office yet there would be dead silence in the background, none of the usual urban sound of cars going by or his footsteps on the pavement etc.

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Or he would be ‘walking to the train station’ but I could here someone in court shoes clearly keeping step beside him for the duration of the call. I began to chat even longer just so I could listen to what was going on around him. I didn’t let on and he grew ever bolder. He started telling me that he was still at his desk. Lol. He worked in an open plan cavernous office yet he was clearly in a small enclosed area when he answered the phone – even in silence the two sound distinctly different. Sometimes he even answered the phone and chatted to me whilst lying on his back.

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I did eventually confront him (there were plenty of other clues too) and I used the fact that I had previously called his desk phone immediately before reaching him on the mobile for the last three months as one of the reasons I believed he was having an affair at work. What I didn’t tell him was the fact that I could also read the background noise so I knew he wasn’t where he claimed to be. Two weeks later he called from work one night to say that he had missed out on getting a pizza delivered to work for dinner (something he never did) and the pizza delivery guy had given up trying to call on his desk phone to get the front door opened – but the phone never rang.

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At the one week appointment, I mentioned the hypospadias to my family doctor, Dr. S, who was very dismissive of it, stating it is not that serious and that we shouldn’t worry. He would see us in five weeks. True, it wasn’t immediately impacting my son (in fact, it was kind of nice not having to worry about getting hit in the face when my son peed on the change table), but if my son needed surgery to correct his condition, we wanted him to have it done as soon as possible. When I followed up with my health care nurse, she advised me to call back and demand a referral, which I did. At this point, Dr. S informed me that I needed the referral from the doctor who delivered my son.

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